Trust in me said the snake trust in me.

So, my life seems so roller coaster-ish lately it had been wretched for so many weeks but its getting back to normal thats what i seem like im doing so often lately.. chasing normal... i was almost there then she went poof last night.. i doubt it was anything other than she was just tired and forgot to call bk. i trust in her, not myself but her. i dont trust my self not to worry i dont trust my self not to spaz out when she doesnt talk to me for a couple of hours. i dont trust myself to not cry when times are down. i dont trust myself to not worry when shes away. i dont trust myself to make her happy. i trust her, i know her love is true, i know she really does care, i know when shes away she would never do anything to make me worry, i know she worries with an honest heart, i know she will always be there. but goddamn it. i dont trust me. every time i start to feel better about trusting myself im lowered a notch or two between my family upset with me, things going wrong and the only logical explanation is it my fault... i know i need to trust myself but i dont know how to fix that... help. please.

meow..help..meow

So, what to do.. im scared out of my mind that my love is drifting from me.. iv hardly talked to her since i left her house.. it terrifies me i know she hates reassuring but i need it any more. some days i go with out hearing her voice at all along with others all i get are 20 words at the most... I dont mean to be needy or to take her away from her friends but i miss her i love her why cant i talk to her? or see her? am i being punished for something or am i being pushed off to the side for a better view of everything else.. I love her so much and i know i should think this i know i should just think " shes busy she loves you nothing to worry about" ... but in the past this is when worry mode gets kicked into high gear. only one person has made it this far in a relationship with me.. dont i have cause to worry? or am i just being a selfish immature clingy girlfriend who needs to grow up before she looses the one thing she loves the most in this world... i need help... ugg.. lots and lots of help.