hes gone... im never ganna get to see him again... and in less than a month he will have forgot about me...save as number 2... its not fair... it hurts.. help.

change

So yeah life has changed a lot since i last posted... moved to a great house, loving family. Yet as always... nothing is right.
i finally found this guy, sweet, cute, caring, good.
he just told me he will be moving in 2 weeks at best.. most likely less..
My luck right?
so im sitting here trying to hold it together failing miserably..
one week maybe is all i have... and as pathetic as it is that i care so much for this person after literately only a few weeks of knowing him... all i want to do is hold on to him and cry... cause i really don't want him to go.
so here i am.. again... crying.

ello world....

so after read the colmanation of my fear hystarics and love struck panic i have diceded that at times i can be truly stupied and pathetic.But on to a new subject. Today i returned home from a freinds slumber party and i had a blast i was the tallest there which to some of you might sound silly to write about but for me thats damn important! but i had a great time and was refreshed at home much my friends mean to me! so yeah theres my gooshy emo part but ill write more later hopefully toodels!

Why?

I was having a greAT WEEKEND. AN AMAZING WEEKEND I HAD A BOYFREIND I HAD A PROM DATE MY DAD SEEMED TO LIKE MY BOYFRIEND I WENT TO A PARTY. THEN I CAME HOME SUNDAY, TODAY, AND I WAS TRING TO GET OVER MY HEAD ACHE, I WAS ON THE PHONE WITH KEREBERE AND MY AUNT WALKED IM. I KNEW SOMETHING WASNT RIGHT, I TOLD KEREBERE I HAVE TO GO. MY AUNT WALKED OVER SAT ON THE COUCH LOOKED AT ME AND SAID SOMETHING BAD HAS HAPPENED ..THEN SHE TOLD ME... AND NOW I I CANT GET OVER THE FACT OF HOW I TREATED HIM AND HOW MUCH HES FAMILY IS HURTING RIGHT NOW ..AND I CANT DO SHIT.. I HATE BEING POWERLESS...I ALWAYS HAVE IN THIS KINDA THING....BUT I CANT SEEM TO GET OVER THE FACT THAT HES GONE .... HES GONE...HES GONE... AND I CANT APOLIGIZE FOR BEING A BITCH. I CANT DO ANYTHING... NOTHING...HES GONE...HE WAS ONLY IN MIDDLESCHOOL!...HE WAS JUST A KID. IT DOESNT MAKE SENCE. WHY!

Nice-ness is annoying!

.humph.
well its true what they said some what i can be a green eyed monster at times but i always stay in my cave and never let people know. humph. that bothered me knowing that someone would say that shit behind my back like that. im not used to it anymore freshman year good god! there was more stuff said behind my back about me than people talked to me!... but out here it hasn't been like that people confront me. and of all the bloody things to say! ugg! this is trivial i know. but it so did pis* me off. im not easily annoyed or pis*ed about stuff like this but uggg! i feel so fuc*ing wronged over something so small humph....im so happy so few of you read this. because this rant does somewhat live up to what was said except im sorry i cant help it... im a chick this kinda shi* upsets me. uggg!....i despise this kind of shit. it drives me crazy (obviously)....ugggg! i feel so juvenile that i let this get to me uggg!.... confrontation will not happen. not by me it wont. as i said my monster self stays it its cave.... humph. well that is my rant i wish i didn't have to rant i wish i could just keep it all inside like i used to but oh well. this will all pass. probably for the worse but that just my luck i know others have it worse off then me.

this is my life


crazy'>http://icanhascheezburger.com">crazy cat pics

WHY?

so lets see... im am a total idiot! and i want to clarify that the last post befor this one is null and void pointless and meaningless now. but yeah im sitting up at the liquor store w/ my mom and step dad and im very board so yeah ill make a real post soon promise

Je suis muette.

je suis idiot. je suis idiot. je suis idiot. je suis idiot. je suis idiot. je suis idiot. je suis idiot.
je suis idiot. je suis idiot. je suis idiot. je suis idiot. je suis idiot. je suis idiot. je suis idiot.
je suis idiot. je suis idiot. je suis idiot. je suis idiot. je suis idiot. je suis idiot. je suis idiot.
je suis idiot. je suis idiot. je suis idiot. je suis idiot. je suis idiot. je suis idiot. je suis idiot.
je suis idiot. je suis idiot. je suis idiot. je suis idiot. je suis idiot. je suis idiot. je suis idiot.
je suis idiot. je suis idiot. je suis idiot. je suis idiot. je suis idiot. je suis idiot. je suis idiot.
je suis idiot. je suis idiot. je suis idiot. je suis idiot. je suis idiot. je suis idiot. je suis idiot.
i feel like im liveing in "SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE" i cant be this way this way is not allowed uggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg...... the unknown mixed w/ knowns that are "uggg" anyway sucks......

knowing i dont know

Ick-
so im writing this now in hopes that no one will rat on me but yeah..
im living w/ my aunt and uncle and because of the job they must leave nest year ...my last year of high school... im so lost i know that " it will all work out" i get that but i hate not knowing i truly do , i fell asleep in the van on the way home from seeing where my uncles new job would be... i dreamt that i was sleeping in i guess "my" car in the school parking lot... i flipped when i woke up, but what if i have to do that some night what if i dont get of work till late and i cant go crash at someones house , will i be ok w/ that, am i ok w/ that.... i guess next year ill be "house less" cause i know i have a home i have lots but i dont expect homes doors to be open at just any time .... and what of school and food and a job....ugggggg..... i know "everything will work out" i just wish i knew for whos good....if any .... and how... i despise not knowing its a weakness to me and i loath being weak...but ill stop my rant about my loss of "knowing" and hope to do well in school and that i pass my drivers test....we only have about 10 weeks til the end of school breaks included.... uggg..... oh well

The Five Levels of Emo

First off before I even let you know the 5 levels note this....this is for my friends the people who are there no matter what level im at. The love me and care about me and i have trouble letting people know how i feel sometimes and this is a very short way to allow my friends to know wtf is up with me... they do not give me eyes full of pity..or of doubt..they do not call me names and check to make sure im "all right" and really just want to feel important...and i hate when people do ... i do not need or want your pity or your "sorrys" all i want is my friends love and a solution to my issues i have one of those things so im "good" so to say but here goes:

Level 1. Catatonic and self destructive( not necessarily physical)

Level 2. Shaky, self destructive(not necessarily physical), and quite

Level 3. Fidgety, worried, nervous

Level 4. Worried and slight fidgety-ness

Level 5. Almost complacent, typically filled with false hope.

X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X <3>

Thank you

So. i have State seech compation this weekend and i was given avery small amount of money for 3 days .... i had choir tonight and when i went in after we went throught hte songs oddly we prayed for me to be able to find cheap food and it mad eme feel realy bad cause i was soooo worried id end up haveing to barrow money and after the prayer this women who sits in the alto setion came up to me and old em to hold out my hand ...im used to people handing me trash this way so im lost and when i did she put a 20 in my hand and it made me feel realy secpial becuase this woman whom iv hardly realy talked to just gave that to me out of the goodness of her heart and it made me feel kinda low case iv been mad at the big guy latly and i think that was a smack.... but yeah that my rant and so if for some odd reson u read this and are like WTF...who ares about u..SCREW U.... im loved betch!

BLEEEEKKKKKK

So im sitting here listing to "Oh Oh Oh Sexy Vampire" <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v7XoC4Tf_X8> and it a really cook song but im all emo-fide so one call or something im in lala land with my mind and i have a HUGE paper do in chemistry tomorrow(sniffle sniffle) but i wantd to post something new cause i am about to add this to my face book profile and i didnt want people to be all "wtf" a-fide do yeah tada...ill try and post new stuff if people come and look but yeah all theis other stuff is old ish so what ever ill write when i get a chance- audi

AGAPE PICTURES FROM CHRYSALIS 39