james blunt...

"Tears And Rain"

How I wish I could surrender my soul;
Shed the clothes that become my skin;
See the liar that burns within my needing.
How I wish I'd chosen darkness from cold.
How I wish I had screamed out loud,
Instead I've found no meaning.

I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.

How I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind;
Hold memory close at hand,
Help me understand the years.
How I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell.
How I wish I would save my soul.
I'm so cold from fear.

I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
Far, far away; find comfort in pain.
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.

Tears and Rain.

Tears and Rain.

Far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.






So, the past 2 weeks( i thinks its only been that long) i have been freaking out... and i know it must be annoying... im so scared that my nervous texting will annoy her away from me... like last night she was at a friends and i knew she really didnt need to be bothered... and what do i do i text her 6 times... last night then was extremely rude this morning... and i dont mean to be and i dont normally notice it till later.... and i feel like poo cause im bothering the shit out of her... and im really scared that if i dont find a way to calm down soon ill have done some serious damage if i haven't already...
and im scared... i dont want to fuck this up... but all my life thats what iv been and i dont know how to not do that.. ugg... ok im stopping typing now... cause im starting to tear up and i cant cry right before dinner or my guardian will be in a tizzy... ugg... i need hugs. and a brain.

day one

( do you remember in buffy how willow and tara were so happy with one another... yeah its that perfect)






day one...
i love her... she makes me so happy i was so scared this morning that i was going to fuck something up... but it was perfect. and i love her so much more than i ever dreamed i could love anyone.. she makes me see stars im so blinded by her sheer amazingness ... im head over heals and i merely care about her the most its that simple... she makes my life so amazing just by being there on the phone... and today being in her arms you couldnt give me enough money to replace how great i felt.. im so happy... im so fucking happy.

... be warey of the the storms... they can be tricky

she answered... im better... something is still up ill do research will im waiting.. but she answered

Who'll stop the rain.

Every time it rains our life is screwed up for the duration of the storm and the morning after... its raining tonight... and i hate it so much... i just want to talk to her and that cant happen .. i know i can be to clingy or hung up... but i want to spend every second talking to her that i can... its how i trying to make up for not getting to see her...i know the message i left her will make her upset or feel bad... and i feel like crap for that... i let my emo-selfishness kick in way to quick and now she wont be herself, she'll be sad... i miss her... i fell asleep so fast last night.. i dont even remember falling asleep... i didnt take 5 mins to tell her good night or anything... nothing... and now i cant talk to her... and something is wrong weather, moon, past,... something is wrong with me... everything makes me want to hide and cry. that is my biggest worry... i cried on the phone ... i didnt mean to but my spark of sadness turned into a bonfire really quick ... and i just lost it...ill be out at work staying the night tomorrow... and i wont get to see her most likely... i hate this... i wish i had my car... and my cell ... although if i could call her when ever she would probably turn her love into hate so fast.. im the most annoying person youll ever meet at times... and im so scared cause what will happen if shes not there anymore? what will happen when i cross the line... what will happen when i fuck up the first time... have i already done that?
i love her... i miss her... i dont want to mess this up.
i want the rain to stop.